“Staring into the windows of the world, yeah” – Shanice

I read your posts and your tributes to mothers everywhere. I read your stories about your celebrated day as a mother, or your tribute to your mother, or maybe your story about the mother that has passed on from this life that you still honor with the memories and the stories you carry with you. I read your famous quotes about mothers, your posts about iconic pop culture mothers, and I’ve even watched your Mother’s Day videos. Just know I’ve seen you, I’ve admired you, and I’ve appreciated you and your words from afar.

Though Mother’s Day 2023 is in the past, I’m neither late nor early with this post for my mother. She lives in a world where days and years and months and holidays have no time nor meaning. Time doesn’t really exist in the life of a person living with dementia. I’ve written about it on this site before, but 3 a.m. or 3 p.m. matters not. Christmas and birthdays hold no significance anymore for her. Two days or two months – there is little if any difference. Life. Just. Is.

I’ve often thought what purpose does dementia serve? What is God trying to teach each of us that live with or help care for loved ones battling this terrible disease? I don’t really have any answers, well any good answers that satisfy my finite brain. And so, I go and I visit my mom at least once a week, and I often leave questioning why. She doesn’t remember. Maybe the memories will materialize for her someday in Heaven. I’m not sure. It’s a pleasant thought, but the actuality of it really won’t be a pleasant thing to look back on. I’ve thought maybe some version of my dad’s spirit hovers nearby like a modern day version of Patrick Swayze in the movie “Ghost.” Maybe he’s smiling or at least comforted in that fact that I keep her company for a few hours doing arts and crafts or driving her to Sonic for a Cherry Limeade.

My mom’s verbal skills have deteriorated to a point of very simple words, a few phrases, and a lot of non-coherent gibberish. But I’ve come to realize that as my mom’s mind has deteriorated and her physical abilities diminishing, I’m still left with one last semblance of a loving mother and fiercely loyal wife. I’m left with one simple act of recognition. It’s the unmistakable wide-eyed recognition of someone she knows and loves. She’s not sure if I’m her brother or her son or her husband or just a familiar stranger, but she knows me.

And so she smiles. And for now, that will have to be enough.

“Time came and showed me your direction
Now I know I’ll never ever go back“

Born in “the Steel City,” Shanice Lorraine Wilson, now a mother of two, turned 50 years old on Mother’s Day. She’s had Broadway experience, Grammy nominations and stints in the fashion and fragrance industries during her lifetime. A talented performer and singer since the age of three, Shanice has had a few other minor singing hits throughout her career, but she’s best known for this hit as an 18-year-old released in October of 1991. The song topped the U.S. R&B/Hip-hop charts and reached #2 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100.

It’s a classic early 90’s dance song and video featuring some vintage 90’s choreography and a mid-song rap break that was all too common in the early-to-mid 90’s. With its’ infectious groove, and Branford Marsalis’ sax solo, I dare you to listen and not be in a better mood afterwards. So, thank you Shanice and a happy belated mother’s day/birthday combo to you! Written by Jarvis La Rue Baker, Sylvester Jackson, Narada Michael Walden, and Shanice Wilson, here is the sweet voice of Shanice with “I Love Your Smile”…

“Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo“

Keep smiling.

My mom does.

As always, thanks for reading.

sincerely,

the 80’s